There isn\u2019t a whole lot happening now. Mostly just the stadium and work at CKS. Chris and I are going on our annual road trip this weekend, spending two nights in a tent in Miki\u2019s back yard and a night in a hotel in Cinnci. However my purpose for writing is not this (or that) but rather, something else.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m going to try to sort out some bit of my private romantic life, or lack thereof. Since I cannot be honest with anyone else about it, I\u2019m not used to being honest about it, but I will try to be honest with myself now.<\/p>\n
The thing is, I really want to be with someone. I\u2019m really lonely at the moment. I wonder if there really is someone for me. And if so, where she\u2019s hiding. I don\u2019t think I know her now. I\u2019m quite sure we haven\u2019t met, but lets go over some of the possibilities.<\/p>\n
Char – No way. Sure we still have sex (as recently as last night) but its just that, sex. It really gets in the way of things. I want to make love with someone I really care about and who I want to live with, have kids with, all that fun stuff. Love. The word is difficult to define. Maybe there is no such thing. I want to feel love, I know I never will again with Char at least. Who knows if we ever were in love?<\/p>\n
Heather – I don\u2019t know why I list here second. Perhaps love is brewing for us, but perhaps not. I\u2019ve known her for a year and our lips have never touched. Maybe thats good. Maybe we\u2019ll fall in love next year. The one thing about Heather, and I believe the reason I listed her second is because she is the one girl who has the most potential. While not the most physically attractive girl, she makes up for it in bus-loads in other departments. I think that right now, the one word for Heather is maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe some day. Maybe. Maybe not. But maybe. The problem is, I don\u2019t think love is a maybe, but perhaps. I\u2019m just being a romantic. Love is a growing thing right? so maybe.<\/p>\n
Wendy – I don\u2019t know. I\u2019ve been in love, or at least I\u2019ve had a deep longing for Wendy for ages. I\u2019ve know her for, God, seven years? She\u2019s another one I\u2019ve barely touched. Although I\u2019m quite sure she doesn\u2019t know it, she broke my heart when she told me she was sleeping with some guy. I suppose her cue word could be maybe too, but I think I don\u2019t know would be much more accurate with Wendy, I just don\u2019t know. I do care about her loads, but I think seven years is enough time for a smoldering love to ignite. She\u2019s the high queen of snuffing love then. I\u2019ve tried with her, but, I don\u2019t know. Basically what it comes down to is I don\u2019t know!<\/p>\n
Rhea – They only other girl I\u2019ve slept with. Lets go through, briefly, the problems with Rhea. For one, she\u2019s not my type. I know that sounds asinine, but I just can\u2019t fall for the country bumpkin. There\u2019s not even a spark for Rhea. She suffers from the malady which I have coined \u201cThe Char Syndrome\u201d which means she basically fell for me in a big, big way. Much too big in fact. When someone tells you the only reason that they are staying in school is you, you\u2019ve got a prime candidate of Charsyndrome. While I thought I was better than to use these terms, I know she was quite the transition woman. We had (like Char and I have now) absolutely no commitment to each other. Hell, I treater he like shit, (this is another symptom of charsyndrome) and she took all of it. What kind of girl would do that?<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t think of any other who deserve their own paragraph. Sarah – lusting. Sherry – One night, with what I thought may have been potential. BMW – desire for the ultimate Kenwoman. Who else? Lots of girls I lusted after in school, too many to recall, half of whom whose name I have forgotten. Darn.<\/p>\n
What do I know about love? My parents should be the ideal role model, but they\u2019re from a totally different world. They were married when they were my age. I thought Keith and Nancy were a good role model but they were just half a hair away from getting a divorce. I have no role model for love, but I do not consider this to be a particularly bad thing. I don\u2019t have any role models in any other areas, so why should I have one in that area? I consider myself unique, which could very well be a major contributor to the problem. The only girls who have really shown an interest in me suffer from charsyndrome. Maybe charsyndrome is love, but its all been one-sided so far, and never on my side. I think I would be much happiers with a significant other. I\u2019m ready fir commitment and responsibility and all that. Dammit where is she? I try to consider what the ultimate kenwoman would be like, yet I cannot, which must be good right? I\u2019m open at least. The girls at school are all so typical. Like I told Keith, college is exactly like High School but different. I wish my life was a book, because something would have to happen. If my current like was a book, you could sell it as a tranquilizer. I want to fall head over heels for a girl, for the first time. Maybe I am too much of a romantic. Perhaps these things never really happen. The only place you hear about it is movies and books and fiction. Fiction! Maybe I\u2019ll write a book about it, but it wouldn\u2019t be the first. If I could just get my burning desire for love on paper I know it would be a best seller. Well, I can\u2019t go on anymore. I guess I\u2019ll just leave the door open for now. I could really be setting myself up for some hurt but, \u201cI wanna be hurt!\u201d Maybe Lloyd could be my role model. The cryogenic bachelor is melting inside and waiting for rebirth. Its just a question of where? and when? and who? who?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
There isn\u2019t a whole lot happening now. Mostly just the stadium and work at CKS. Chris and I are going on our annual road trip this weekend, spending two nights in a tent in Miki\u2019s back yard and a night in a hotel in Cinnci. However my purpose for writing is not this (or that) […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"bgseo_title":"","bgseo_description":"","bgseo_robots_index":"index","bgseo_robots_follow":"follow","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,24,26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-458","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-anamnesis","category-archive","category-college"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/458","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=458"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/458\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":459,"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/458\/revisions\/459"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=458"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=458"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=458"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}