I\u2019ve returned to school, and instead of finding peace of mind, I\u2019ve just found more turmoil. In my endless quest for answers I find only more and more questions. Along with all the old questions I have had all along I\u2019m managing to find new ones almost daily. I had thought I\u2019d reached the peak of misunderstanding last year, but it still seems like an upward climb with no end in sight. I find myself sitting in class asking myself \u201cwhat the hell am I doing here?\u201d Here meaning here at school, here at this school, here in this town. This question inevitably leads me to a more basic form of question, \u201cwhat the hell am I doing?\u201d This is my basic overall lookout on life now. My life has no direction. I\u2019m blindly stumbling ahead toward I don\u2019t know what. And whats really scary is I have no rock of foundation that I\u2019m starting from. It seems I began nowhere and I\u2019m going nowhere and accomplishing nothing at all. I\u2019m studying to be a scientist because there is nothing else to be. I have no desire to be anything in this capitalist world, at least nothing that one can major in, but oh, the degree is important.<\/p>\n
I suppose I\u2019ll just continue drinking myself into oblivion, unlike tonight, when I\u2019ll probably stay up all night asking myself unanswerable questions and putting myself in impossible situations, that wouldn\u2019t really be so impossible if I had any backbone at all. Which brings us to another fine point of discussion, that for the female gender. I honestly cannot seem to get anywhere with this allusive being called girls. One such being just poked her head in the door. Well I don\u2019t what to go into this in any great detail right now, for what would be the point? I guess I\u2019ll just go on looking for that \u201cDare to be great situation\u201d and that Kenwoman, who is going to have to call me since I don\u2019t have the balls to call her. I sure wish I would have had High School to trail, but alas that is the past and it is unchangeable inst it? Although it would be rather cool to go into the past and write entries in this form before now. Well, I guess thats it for now. Ever get the feeling that you didn\u2019t really write anything at all?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019ve returned to school, and instead of finding peace of mind, I\u2019ve just found more turmoil. In my endless quest for answers I find only more and more questions. Along with all the old questions I have had all along I\u2019m managing to find new ones almost daily. I had thought I\u2019d reached the peak […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"bgseo_title":"","bgseo_description":"","bgseo_robots_index":"index","bgseo_robots_follow":"follow","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,24,26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-462","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-anamnesis","category-archive","category-college"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/462","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=462"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/462\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":463,"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/462\/revisions\/463"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=462"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=462"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.nightmare.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=462"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}