The sanctity of a journal. I have just gotten home from Char’s house. We drank, watch “Say Anything” and REDACTED FOR PRIVACY. I told her about Rhea, and her weirdness which I will not go into right now. Why is it that none of the cute ones at school are attracted to me? What about Char? She is gorgeous. She has to fight off the guys at school. But she does. For me. Maybe Heather would understand, apparently she had some great sex with her guy in Kansas City, but there are no attachments, and she seems fine with it. So what do I want? I guess I love Char, but why haven’t I gotten jealous when I find out that she’s been dating other guys? She got jealous when I told her Rhea liked me. She wants to marry me, and whats wrong with that? Lots of questions, few answers. I must be a real bastard from hell, to lead her on. I think I keep her around so that I always know I have someone who loves me, just like Prom, and all that. REDACTED FOR PRIVACY I wonder if I really could spend my entire life with her. So far, I haven’t met anyone who comes close to her. But what if I do? That’s what makes me a bastard. I won’t make a commitment because there always might be someone better. But what if there isn’t and I lose Char forever? I have to make up my mind before I leave in January. I don’t really want to make a commitment because then I might cheat on her, and then I would lose her forever. If I was really sure there was someone else, I would break up with her for good and go for it, but how can I be sure? And how can I find out while there is still this strong bond between us? Catch-22 what to do, what to do. Escape. Read. Adieu.