I’ve returned to school, and instead of finding peace of mind, I’ve just found more turmoil. In my endless quest for answers I find only more and more questions. Along with all the old questions I have had all along I’m managing to find new ones almost daily. I had thought I’d reached the peak of misunderstanding last year, but it still seems like an upward climb with no end in sight. I find myself sitting in class asking myself “what the hell am I doing here?” Here meaning here at school, here at this school, here in this town. This question inevitably leads me to a more basic form of question, “what the hell am I doing?” This is my basic overall lookout on life now. My life has no direction. I’m blindly stumbling ahead toward I don’t know what. And whats really scary is I have no rock of foundation that I’m starting from. It seems I began nowhere and I’m going nowhere and accomplishing nothing at all. I’m studying to be a scientist because there is nothing else to be. I have no desire to be anything in this capitalist world, at least nothing that one can major in, but oh, the degree is important.
I suppose I’ll just continue drinking myself into oblivion, unlike tonight, when I’ll probably stay up all night asking myself unanswerable questions and putting myself in impossible situations, that wouldn’t really be so impossible if I had any backbone at all. Which brings us to another fine point of discussion, that for the female gender. I honestly cannot seem to get anywhere with this allusive being called girls. One such being just poked her head in the door. Well I don’t what to go into this in any great detail right now, for what would be the point? I guess I’ll just go on looking for that “Dare to be great situation” and that Kenwoman, who is going to have to call me since I don’t have the balls to call her. I sure wish I would have had High School to trail, but alas that is the past and it is unchangeable inst it? Although it would be rather cool to go into the past and write entries in this form before now. Well, I guess thats it for now. Ever get the feeling that you didn’t really write anything at all?