I just finished reading A Prayer for Owen Meany..A book by John Irving which was recommended to me by Fred from Malaysia and loaned to me by Stacy from Washington CH…It was a very good book in which Owen kept a dairy which I used to do for about seven months until I decided that I should seal that diary until the year 2000 to keep from beating myself up over what happened and what I went through and trying to deal with how I went through it and if made all of the right decisions or not….
So right now I am in my second quarter as a graduate student at the university that I always wanted to go to… I must admit that my second quarter is much better than my first quarter.. I now live on Mill street with my three lovely female roommates..I’m glad to say (and sad to say) that I no longer want to go out with Vicki anymore..It was hard when school started and we and all just moved back in after break and she started dating again..I was getting a few hints that may not have been hints but I took them as such so I was a bit confused and pissed and as usual kicking myself for not going after what I really wanted..Now I realize that we would not be compatible as anything more than friends and even in that capacity she pisses me off sometimes but just because I don’t understand her does not give me any right to hate her…She is fun to be around and to corrupt to my lazy and drinking style…
There is so much to say on the first entry of a diary that I don’t know where to begin…On Wednesday night I drove to Dayton to see Rhea…I got there at a little before two…and I left at around seven fifteen in the morning…It was a stupid rash thing to do especially since I had been drinking the night before but I’m glad I went to see her and she was glad to see me…I guess I don’t want to go into Rhea in anymore depth right now..I miss her and care about her but I’m not sure that I love her..I’m still not sure that at two months from 23 I have ever loved anyone..There was that short period of time with Char that I thought I loved her and that has kept me from loving anyone since including Rhea..I know that is my shortcoming but it is my past and it has taken me too long to deal with…enough
93 Mill…Lisa, Stace, and Vicki are my roommates..I have the male apartment in the back that I love…I love this apartment, I love this school, I love that I finally have friends that I like in college…I think I’m getting a bit too old to be in college and that has been bugging me lately..I know I’ll finish this part of it and get my MA..I have at least that much staying power but as my boss John McVicker told me a MA in Linguistics is only a door prize..and I believe that even more so when it comes from this University which has on average 2 theory students per year..Its a wonder that I even got into this school..I guess it is just proof that I really can write…Maybe I should write more but ..but….ack… I was told I have talent by a guy that teaches creative writing at WSU…
God that spell checker is a real pisser..I think I want a Mac..I have fallen in love with the damn things since I have started working in the lab this quarter…enough of work…
Two things….Women…(Weeeemen as Perry would say) and life in general….
Shall I list them?? Indeed…
Vicki…Done with… I no longer get pissed or jealous when she is sleeping with someone..I don’t get her but I don’t want to either…
Rhea..Don’t know… Still go to see her.. Still miss her… I don’t love her but I don’t love do I? Is she my wife?? I don’t think so but she is so good to me…
Wendy..Why am I listing her? because I heard from her when she called to tell me that Michael Libassi had died?? because she called once more after the funeral to talk to me to tell me all that she had seen or found out at the funeral?? Because I have always carried a flame for her and maybe I’m only old enough now to realize it (heh..old enough now…)??? It doesn’t matter right now though does it?? It goes under life in general ..i.e. what the fuck am I going to do in the spring of 95…go home to Cleveland or keep on in gradual school?? more on that later..
Stace..What a great friend…I love talking to her about anything..I got drunk one night and told her my whole Char history (and it was the unabridged version) and I didn’t remember telling her until she brought it up the next day…She’s cool ..so is Perry..I like him above all the Greeks..heh
And the rest… ( that deserves a Bold type Don’t you think??)
Ahh..DO they all still have names???
Kelli…Bone Central….Hot Box Brain Dead Blond…
Jill..The Bartendress with the mostest..although she may possibly look a bit “hagard” or “worn”..
Sarah..Oh what a mouth….DOH!!!
Kim..Oh what a mouth..and Oh what a girl…She was the best of the best so far..too bad I fucked it up being a nice guy to Kelli..I liked Kim alot…she was fun and very sexy and and and and and…DOH!!!! I’m pretty sure I screwed that one up as well but I’ll never know unless I get the balls to call her up again or even have Vicki call her and arrange another evening…
The Vision…Oh my…..Doest Thou remember the vision??? Thine long black hair and thine look at thou in thou drunkest stupor?? and thine biblical disappearance from yonder Nite Court?? my oh my…who are you?? Are you really
out there??
Char…Hahahahahhahahahahahahaha..sorry..I had to…
Elizabeth…heheheeee..What A complete nut…I’ll qualify her in with the first quarter loss of life and just move on..
And all the others whom I never had the balls to talk to…Tanya(from nowhere), Jackie (with the over-processed hair), and OH MY GOD…
NICOLE….Talk about being smitten with a girl…All the dirty dreams I have are centered around this girl who has spoken maybe four words directly to me but WOW…My Nicki…If only I could get drunk and brave at the same time she was around my life would be in order!! HeH…yeah…
Why did the font just change?? Heh..just fixed it so now it’s all this cool new font (Bold Speedo)..of course I’m having trouble typing as it gets closer to 2 AM…I believe I have another topic….
Life in General…Shall we see if I can bold that? Hey how about that??
I will be 23 years old in roughly two months..this is a fact..I don’t plan on living much past the age of thirty since I am in horrible shape and I smoke too much (Let’s pause here so I can get a smoke)…
Okay…..I need to make a decision fairly soon..well within about six to eight months anyway..my damn fucking problem is I fluctuate from day to day whether I want to stay in school or whether I want to be a real person and where I want to be a real person and what kind of a real person I could be with a BA in English and a MA in Linguistics……The Pros and Cons..heh sure..
School..Do I really like being in school?? When I graduate with my MA I’ll be 24 years old with two pieces of paper and probably no teaching experience?? Do I want to teach for the rest of my life?? What do I want to teach?? What level and where?? What would I stay in school for??? A PhD?? In Linguistics?? I know that if I went to a real theoretical Linguistics school I would not graduate until I’m at least 27 and probably later than that IF I graduated at all… So I might stay in school for another Master’s degree..in what?? Criminology?? Film?? HAH!! SO what do I do in the next year or so???
Real Life…The real world?? What am I qualified to do exactly?? Teach Linguistics at Tri-C or CSU??? That’s teaching…that is what I may not have any experience doing and if I don’t get a TA next year we can throw that out the damn window..what else and where???
Ack..I’m done…I need to write letters to about four different people but not tonight…I have to write (finish) a paper tom so I’m going to crash now…CIAO
this is the oldest entry, so it is the first entry in the anamnesis project. at this time i was in graduate school at ohio university and had moved from my initial apartment with steve into the place on mill street, which made getting uptown very easy.
i believe the computer i used to write this was a 386 with a 40 meg hard drive and 2 megs of memory.
as for the women in the list, other than the top for listed, one of whom i eventually married, i only have the vaguest recollection of them.
i find it amusing that at the time my thought process couldn’t consider a time beyond the age of thirty.
Comment by vim — Wednesday, May 10, 2006 @ 11:56 am